Chapter 4

This weekend I’m so overwhelmed of everything that is happening at school. The peaked happen at Big Toby’s funeral. We arrived at Jasmine Memorial Park. It was such a gloomy day. I told my condolences to Mr. and Mrs. Clifford, which they are Big Toby’s parents. From where I am sitting, I was so close with the casket of Big Toby. Then, the ceremonial started. Some of the people gave speech, Like the principal of Monty High, Mr. Archibald. Ma’id also said a couple words. But, something unexpected happen.

“Our next speech comes from Big Toby’s best friend. Kevin Atkins, please come to the podium” I was in shocked. I did not what to do. I was like a statue. I can’t even move. My mind is telling me to stand up, be a gentlemen. I stood up and went to the podium in a sad statement.

I said ‘Good evening, we are here in this day. Mourning of the loss of a legend. Toby Sanders-Clifford. Me and Big Toby are not to close. Although, I was the last guy to meet him, before he took his own life by speeding off the freeway. I, and all of our friends are devastated about this news. He have nobody by himself that day. He died alone. Let’s all pray to Toby, so he could find peace and meet him in heaven. God Bless Him’

I did not know what was I’m saying. The word just flowed from my mouth. I guess that came from my deepest heart. The casket was rolled down to the grave, tears were broke. Flowers started to rain above his casket. Then it was time to close the grave. It was started to rain. Black umbrella’s started to show up. We all left the Clifford’s beside their son’s grave.

When I was walking to my car, someone pulled my hand. A young lady who has the same age with me. I never see her at the school. She was Big Toby’s young sister. Her name is Kim Sanders-Clifford. She came from out of town. Her parents sent her to boarding school because she has an attitude when she lived with her parents. I did not know her. She asked me ‘Are you Baba’s best friend’ in my head, I do not have a friend name Baba. I asked ‘Who is Baba?’ She said ‘My brother, Toby’ this was another surprise. Life is full of mystery. I asked her ‘What do you need?’ She just wanted a trip home. I said okay.

The trip was quite far. The road was very slippery since it was raining. From the memorial park, everyone split up. Ma’id went to Gogoplex Mall. He asked me to come but I said no. He was trying to get over this Big Toby’s tragedy. I didn’t want to take the freeway. Instead, I took the back roads down the Forsyth Hills down to the Clifford’s house in Cresmont. But instead she lied to me. She wanted to talk to me about what happen to Big Toby. I said ‘If you want answers, I’ll take you to the place that me and your brother last met’

I bring her to Ralph’s. I said ‘Dang It, we took the wrong road’ I took the U-Turn to get me back to the freeway. On the U-turn. Kim saw her parents’ car. She ducked to be invisible from her parent’s vision. But suddenly, Mr. and Mrs. Clifford did the U-Turn. I told Kim to hide back in the trunk. Mr. and Mrs. Clifford caught up to me and told me to pull over the road. I was suddenly shaking. Mr. Clifford came out from the car and asked me ‘Hi Kevin, thank you for the keynote that you gave for Toby. We very appreciate it. If u need anything or help, you can just come to our house. Just like you helped our son’ I Replied ‘Thank you Sir, It’s an honoured to give that speech. He said ‘Well I better get going before Mrs. Clifford get angry’ He went back and did not asked a single thing about Kim. I Told Kim is safe to go back to the front seat again.

We arrived to Ralph’s. And Dee called me. She gave me a note, She said it’s from Big Toby.

Yeh, Snoop You Manager. 

Chapter 3

Morning at Monty High. It was raining that time. It’s a sad, blue day. Flowers and Candle has been putted near Big Toby’s locker. We all held a moment of silence near the locker of big toby. I respected him as a friend. Then Dean R. approached me. He told me that he was devastated. He was the one who told me that I was at Ralph’s. Well, Dean Richards, this about you. Welcome to your queue.

You know, Dean? Since that day you made me so guilty. It always haunts me. If u didn’t tell him my location, he could be alive this instance. Dean, this is just your problem. Well, lesson learned, right Dean?

The funeral was sad. I, Ma’id, and the rest of the class went to Jasmine Memoriam Park just down Lanchester Heights. The last memory always haunts me. The last moment I have with Big Toby. I stopped like a dead rat. Ma’id ask me. What’s wrong? I did not want my feelings to show thru my body. I just wanted to keep it by myself. Well, death do comes, eventually.

The police asked me some several questions the next day. I just can’t believe it. The police has started an investigation on Big Toby’s crash. I was surprised the investigation has started so quickly. From a footage of him going to Ralph’s, the way he was driving towards Ralph’s, the difference between inbound and outbound, and the way he was driving thru the Pascoe Freeway. There are so many conclusion that the police had made. One of them was involving me. The police conclude that what happen at Ralph’s could made him angry or sad so he speed up and intend to crash himself. I said I didn’t do anything. I told that nothing happen between us. He just said sorry to me.

Backstory time, every time I get interrogated by the police, I always get terrified. Why? It was December 3^rd, 1999. When I was a little kid. An incident happened at my old house in San Dromana. Just take the second last exit towards the airport. At the time, I, my mom and my uncle was inside that time. When a robbery took place in our quite home. At the time, my dad wasn’t home because of business. And my uncle was there because he was picking up his laptop from our house.

We all shocked. My uncle asked me and my mom hid back behind the counter for him to “take care” of the ordeal. They demanded for money and the car that my uncle had. The next thing you know, he was lying lifeless. Covered in a pool of blood. Face was nearly unrecognised. That was a traumatic experience for me. My mom cried for helped. Since it was her brother. She dialled 911.

Police arrived. Police described the scene as a horrible scene from ‘the night on Elm Street’ me and my mom was interrogated. Police suspect that my mother that killed my uncle. Then, I was asked. They say that kids do not lie. So, they bring me inside a cold, dimmed, scary interrogation room. The next thing I know, I was crying. I felt the pain for them telling lies about my mother. That’s why I don’t like police around me.

Since then, I never go to San Dromana anymore. Two days after the murder, we abandoned the house. And no one will buy it. Since it was an ex-crime scene. Now, the Atkins family don’t go near that house anymore. I wished for that moment to be erased from my life. I wish I have the capability to erase some of the bad memories I had. If I had, I wouldn’t be like this. Or I probably be alive then.

Special Happy Birthday to My Friend Ayub, 

Chapter 2

On and on and on. I’ve been getting some signals. Then I heard a door opening. It was someone. That I used to know. Eren, Eren Yeager. He became best friends with me. But it feels like he will be a good friend to me. Eren and I met when we were little. Eren used to be quiet at class. But we are getting along.

But, even Eren has come to shine a bit of light. He even spread darkness a little bit. This is about you, Eren. But please note, it’s not because of you that I killed my self. You need to know, about this. You saw me left alone. You came to me. Not at that day. When we were at cooking class, you cook a piece of cake that you’ve been promising me to eat. This is not only about a cake. This show’s you that you’re being loyal to me, instead you broke your promise to me.

People been talking about me every time. But, Eren always keep me buried. I’m very lucky to have a friend like you Eren. You know what make you special, you’re not like other people who always taunt, laugh about me, and all that stuff. Eren, I hope you understand. Why did I left your life or everybody’s life? Once again, it’s not because of you.

I have been a customer at Ralph’s for nearly 1 week. And, all I see was a nice, quiet place, and peaceful place. I usually go there by myself. I order my regular drink, regular food, and regular desert. A Choco Fiesta Milkshake, with Snowing Cheese Chicken, and Ralph’s special Crème Brulee.

There was someone who works in Ralph’s. Her name was Dee. I call her Dee because she looks like my cousin. Dee helps me everything. She helps me with my problems at school, math homework, or some advice. She was my “Mother Theresa”. But, I feel sorry for Dee. That I chose the wrong way to this what I did. I felt a little guilt for leaving Dee. But, Dee I hope you forgive me about what I have did.

Big Toby came at Ralph’s today. He looks so terrified. Then he saw me. He running straight to me. Then, he sat next to me. He said “I’m sorry what I did to you, I know what I did was wrong. The problem is I am very sensitive, but sometimes I can be very humble. But Kev, Please forgive me?” I said yes. Then he flee. He didn’t even take a sip of drink, or a scoop of dessert. That makes me wondering, what happen to him and how did he find me at Ralph’s

When going home from Ralph’s, I merged in to the freeway. But near the Great Lake Drive exit, there was huge traffic. I was stuck in the traffic until 30 minutes. Then I heard the radio. “There has been a crash in the Pascoe Freeway involving an 18 Year old student. Whoever know the victim, please call the police right now.” My feeling was telling it was Big Toby. So I merged to the right lane which was blocked by the accident. My feeling was right. The car that drove in to Ralph’s was the same car smashed on the right side of the Pascoe freeway. I parked my car near the crash and told police that I may know the victim. It was right. Big Toby’s face was smashed, brutally beaten by the impact, causing him to die instantly. I suddenly broke down. Remembering that his last moment was with me at Ralph’s. I was interrogated by the police. About what was he doing here? But the strange thing was, how did he find me at Ralph’s and just to go there and say sorry? Or he decided to speed up the freeway and the decided to crash the barrier to end his life? I’m just so curious why? The police said there will be an investigation into the crash. Tomorrow will be a memorial ceremony in the memoriam of Big Toby at school. I just got the text from Eren.